Rosencrans Family

1x9.5cm

2011-01-20T18:22:00.000-08:00

The hose once it was connected to the sponge which was taped to me, was probably about 7 feet long. Long enough for me to lay the pack on the floor and give my shoulder a break while I moved around a room. Kinda weird being tethered to something 24/7.

The sponge was 3.3cm deep. My wound was 3 cm deep, so it fit perfectly inside.

12.5cm wide. My wound started out at 10cm wide. My nurse had to shave very little off the sides at first, but as it shrunk she would cut more and more off. That was probably the most fun to watch each time she visited.

18cm long. My wound was exactly 18 cm when they first cut it away.

This is the canister that attached to the side of the vac machine. The sponge was constantly sucking drainage (I couldn't really feel it, thank goodness!) which would collect in here. Yeah, kinda yucky. We would put a new canister on almost every time I had a sponge change (3 times a week).

This is the sponge, "tape" (there's a more official name for the tape, but I don't know how to spell it!), and disk with the hose. The sponge would be cut down to fit inside my wound, then taped down, yes, directly onto my skin...that's a lot of tape! Then my nurse would cut a very small hole through the tape on the top of the sponge and the disc was placed over the hole and taped down. This was where the suction entrance was. Then the machine was turned on, which was usually pretty painful. The sponge would shrink and I would be all set until the next vac change. I don't really miss this at all.:)

Sorry, but the pics loaded at the start of my post and I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to move it all around so here's the actual post:

Yes, that's how SMALL my wound is!

I am just in AWE of the human body. And even more, I'm in AWE of our Creator! It's just amazing to have witnessed the change in my body over the last 2 months. No wait, the last 10 months. First, being pregnant is always a reminder of how beautiful life and our bodies really are. How life can exist and grow inside of us, all from such small beginnings. We definitely have an almighty and creative God! Then, after the infections and presence of my wound, how the body has the ability to heal itself in just a matter of time. Now, even though I credit God with the healing of my body (thank you Lord!), I also give huge props to the medical community! Without the knowledge of doctors and nurses and all the other supportive staff out there, I may not be here today. Seriously. I don't say that lightly, but seriously. Even to this day, I sometimes think that I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. If we talk about it, Kevin just looks at me like, "You still don't get it." I do believe that they kept things from me, and that's OK. I also believe that I was sick, I just down right didn't feel well, and that made things cloudy enough that I didn't understand...again, that's OK. That's where your prayers took over. When Kevin sat in the waiting room as I went through those 4 surgeries, he prayed, but he knew that you were praying too, and by that, we are blessed. What a gift to be part of the family of God! I know...repeat! But I just can't say it enough! I don't know what we would have done if we didn't have you walking beside us, so again, THANK YOU!

Back to the medical community. Whoever thought of a wound vac...another big THANK YOU! As my nurse reminded me 3 days a week, if I had to have this wound dressed with wet to dry dressings (basically damp gauze packed in the wound and then covered with loads of gauze and pads) I would be down a LOT longer than I have been, months, maybe even the rest of the school year, waiting for this wound to shrink. But because of the vac, it was 2 months today since my wound was first cut away, and tomorrow will be 2 months since the vac was put on. I wore it for 40 days and once it came off, my skin has just continued to fill in almost on a visibly daily basis. There have been days that I take the dressing off in the morning and then again at night and think, "Wow! It's smaller tonight than it was this morning!"

It's not completely filled in yet, and I'm not sure how much longer it will be until it does. It really doesn't have much further to go though. When I saw Dr. Hodgson on the 4th, he told me it would be almost closed in 3-4 weeks. Well, it's almost 3 weeks and he was right! I suppose I should trust the wound doctor whose job is specifically to care for wounds. I go back to see him on Tuesday, the 25th, to see what he thinks of it's progress. My energy level is definitely coming back, and I can do basically all of my activities around the house. I can still tell when I do too much though. I can't do too much bending and crazy moving around without feeling a little tender and sore in my wound area, and it may be like that for a while. It's all new tissue and skin and I suppose it will need some time to "toughen up". Just another thing to ask the doc.

I'm including some pics of some pieces of my vac. Of course when I was in the moment of having it on, I never thought of taking a picture of the whole thing. As soon as the vac was ordered to be off, I had to pack it up and send it back to the company the next week. But I did have some opened boxes of the canister that held the drainage and one last sponge pack, so I thought I would share what those pieces looked like to give you an idea of how this thing worked. I'm definitely going to spare you pictures of what my wound itself looked and looks like now. But honestly, if you're interested and have a strong stomach, I don't mind sharing. It's really an amazing transformation to see, but definitely not a pretty one.:)

Nearing the end

2011-01-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

A week ago was a pivotal point in this healing journey I'm on. I had another visit with
Dr. Hodgson in GR at the wound clinic. I had my vac off for the weekend and it felt so good to have the freedom to sit down, stand up, walk around my house, go places WITHOUT carrying around my black purse and 5 foot hose. It was AMAZING to not have to get out of bed, unplug the bag (had to be charged at bedtime each night), throw the bag over my shoulder, then the hose in order to get out of my room to get Keaton...then everything backwards in order to get back in bed. It's just amazing how many things I took for granted when hindered with this bag, but without it my healing would have taken so much longer and I knew that I was making good headway...so on to my visit.

I was fully prepared Tuesday to take all of my vac essentials with me to the doctor. I was expecting to have it back on, but Dr. H had other things to say. When he came in my room, he commented on how great it looked, asked me how it went over the weekend, I told him a few things that I wondered about, and he answered my questions. Then he poked and pushed around it a little, measured it, and said, "Well, I think it's time for you to send it back." WHAT?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I started to cry and said, exactly that, "Are you serious?" He put his hand on my arm and said, "Yes." Yipee!! The tissue has come up and filled in so that it's now flush with my skin, and all that it has left to do is for the skin to come together and voila...healed! Now at that point, he still measured it to be 3.5x12.5x.1. This is still a good sized wound, but because it was no longer deep, the vac had no purpose anymore. Wow. The end is now in site! He then proceeded to tell me that in the next 3-4 weeks, it should be almost completely closed. Seriously? I suppose I shouldn't doubt the wound man because he told me 3 weeks before that, that I would possibly have my vac off in 3 weeks...and he was right. Again, I say wow.

Now today, how big is it? I'm not 100% sure. My nurse is still coming, but now only twice a week and she measures it on Thursday. Last Thursday she said it was 2.5x12.5. So it continues to shrink, and it's shrinking more north and south, rather than east to west (sorry, but it's the best way for me to describe it!). She also told me Thursday, after she took the dressing off, that it's so cute! Ha! Seriously, not cute, BUT it's definitely smaller and I suppose to a nurse who sees a lot of wounds, she definitely has earned the right to call them cute!:) I just love her!:) Now I'm doing my own dressings twice a day. I have to rinse it, either in the shower or with a saline solution, then put a healing gel over the tissue, then put 4x4 sterile gauze pads over it and then an abdominal pad taped down over those. So it's pretty padded, yet if it gets bumped, like by one of my kids, I can definitely tell.

So here I am, still home, not allowed to work just yet due to the nature of my job, but I do have the freedom to drive and do light work as I'm able. For the most part I feel great. The pain is next to nothing, except for the occasional tenderness and stinging (and getting bumped), but I remember that I still have a 5 inch open wound on my stomach that's to be expected. If I do too much, I feel achy at night, almost like I have the flu, and just make sure that I lay down extra early.

I just have to say that I am so thankful for such an amazing husband. Kevin comes home from work, usually 11 hours that he's put in, then he pretty much takes over at home so that I can take it easy. He stays up late with Keaton (if he's up late), so that I can get to bed and get a little rest, then he heads to bed once Keaton seems settled in enough. I'm getting up in the middle of the night with Keaton, which is just fine because Kevin needs to rest too and I'm able to get a nap in if I really feel like I need it while the girls are at school and the sitter. Kevin, you are an amazing husband and daddy! I thank God every day for bringing us together. You are a constant reminder to me that God is in control and his will is perfect!

As far as when will this all be finished? Well, that's still to be determined. I see Dr. H again on January 25, but he commented that I could be ready to go back to school by the beginning of February. I'm just enjoying my time home with my son, watching him grow and change, while taking it easy and taking care of myself. I do look forward to going back to school to see my kids and school family too. Again, I just can't imagine how I could have gone through this without the support and prayers of so many people. What a gift to be part of the family of God. When we give each other our joys and burdens we can rejoice and lift each other up to our Maker. What can be better than that? Thank you for continuing on in this journey with us. We couldn't be happier to be nearing the end. Blessings!

NO VAC!

2011-01-01T05:40:00.000-08:00

That's right, the vac is OFF! I walked out of my room (where my nurse changes my vac) and almost started crying. No picking up the black bag and swinging it over my shoulder, no wrapping the long hose and wrapping that around my shoulder too so it doesn't drag on the floor, no constant stinging from the pulling on my skin...it feels like freedom! That vac and I have been buddies since November 20 and it feels amazing to have it off. Thank you Lord for the break!

Even though the vac is off right now, I have to remember this may not be permanent. The reason I get it off for the weekend is because the skin around my wound was showing signs of irritation and redness. My nurse thought it was probably just a yeast infection from moisture being trapped under the tape and not getting cleaned out by the sponge. She called the wound doc to see if he would order me some pills to clear it up, but he had different plans. He just feels that my skin needs a break. He did make the comment 3 weeks ago that the skin can get red from irritation from the drainage, and the redness looks kind of like what he saw then, there's just more of it, and it was starting to itch.

So, the vac is off until Tuesday when I go to GR to see him, and boy does it feel good! It's now covered with gauze and it's something that I have to change at least twice (or more if I want) a day. Kinda crazy to do it myself, but it's going well. This is the way they used to dress wounds all of the time, before the wound vac, and it used to take months and months for wounds to heal. I've had the vac on for 40 days and even though it's a pain and was starting to frustrate me, I'm so thankful for how much my wound has healed. Nurse Jodi has to take a picture once a month to show the progress it's making. If you would see the first pic compared to what it looks like from Friday...oh my goodness!! And she just can't say enough at how long it would have taken to even get to this point. So thankful for medical technology!

Yes, it's still tender, but it doesn't hurt as much for obvious reasons. This sponge isn't pulling on the edges of my new skin and it's just able to sit open and be covered. I was so looking forward to my vac changes over the last week because it was hurting more and more, just to be able to lay there and have it open. So thank you Lord for this break in the therapy! Not carrying around a bag is awfully nice too!!

So thank you for your prayers! We're praying that the redness goes away and that my skin can just be healthy and heal. Praying too that Dr. H has good things to say Tuesday about it's progress and can give me an idea of where we're going from here. I may leave the office with the vac back on, but it's awfully fun to be free for now! Blessings!

Change in Plans

2010-12-30T17:06:00.001-08:00

So my vac change went well today. The drainage continues to make me nervous, but my nurse isn't concerned at all. I have had some extra redness and itchiness around my wound, which she noticed on Monday and today it seemed to be a little worse. She said right away that she think it's a yeast infection and that it will clear up with some meds.

Well, she talked to Dr. H (GR) and his answer was not meds, but that I should have a break from the vac. WHAT?? No, it's not time for it to come off, but he said that sometimes the skin around it gets irritated from drainage that doesn't come through the sponge and that it may just be that my skin needs to have a break and breathe. SO, Nurse Jodi will be here tomorrow again to take the vac back off, and then to show me how to dress the wound with gauze. The gauze will be damp/wet with saline solution and put onto the wound, then a large dry gauze pad will be put over that and it will be taped down. It has to be changed twice a day, and has to be done by me until I go to see Dr. H on Tuesday.

This is basically what they did in the hospital after the initial infection of the appendectomy incision. Which is probably what makes me a little nervous since that's what ended up spreading to the rest of my skin and causing this larger wound (or at least a bacteria infection caused it to spread). I don't have an infection now, so it shouldn't be a problem, BUT I guess it just still makes me nervous to have to do it this way right now. In some ways it might feel really good to not have the vac on for a few days. It has been a little uncomfortable the last few days as I said before so maybe this will be a little relief.

Last night I had some struggles with getting Keaton to have a good night of sleep. He was restless and just didn't sleep as soundly as he has been. Plus, my pain was a little more intense the last few days and getting up and down all of the time was more of a struggle. I was tired and frustrated and this morning was the first time I truly got upset about all of this. I haven't really had an emotional meltdown so far. To me, this is just the way it would have to be for a while. While in the hospital, we knew things were at times very serious, and to even be here and be able to take care of my family, even in this capacity, is a blessing! But still, this wasn't the state of health that I was planning on being in when Keaton and my girls all came home. I'm used to running our household; cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, playing, etc. etc. etc, and doing it all with ease. When I have to pick up a bag and hose and concentrate on getting up with as little pain as possible before going anywhere or doing anything, it gets a little old.

We continue to take one day at a time. For the most part, I continue to feel healthy and am very capable of getting around the house to do things. This little irritation on my skin is probably something minor, and I'm thankful that I'll be able to experience life without the vac for a little while. I'm nervous for how it may make the wound feel and how much I'll be able to do over the weekend, but also thankful that it's just the weekend, and even that this will be a little sneak peak into what it will be like when the vac comes off for good. I have been feeling so good emotionally, and I know that God will continue to watch over me and our family as we go through this. Being tired from a newborn is enough, I know, and to have to heal from this just adds a whole other dimension to life. We couldn't do it without His strength and your prayers.

Please pray that the break from the vac will be just what my skin needs to heal and that the gauze treatment will go smoothly over the weekend. I am confident that it may not be much longer that I will have the vac as my measurements today were 4x11x.3cm. Remember on November 26 the measurements were 8x17.5x3cm with a 3cm tunnel even further into the wound. It's looking healthy and there hasn't been any more infection. Please keep praying that the healing process goes quickly and smoothly so that we can soon say this was something of the past.

We continue to look to our God for all things!

Back to Normal...sort of

2010-12-29T12:28:00.000-08:00

So the title could be kind of deceiving. Are we really back to normal yet? Well, in some cases yes.

My parents left during the day on Christmas Eve. It was very hard to see them go. What a blessing they have been over the last 2 months. Our girls have never had so much quality time with Grandpa and Grandma Hospers and it was such a gift for them to spend that much time with them in Iowa and then also here in MI. We basically spent our days hanging around the house, feeding Keaton, taking naps (all of us that were home!) and just spending time together. They did our shopping, cooked meals (unless someone brought them in, which was a nice break for my mom), held and fed Keaton, drove the girls to and from school and other things, played with the girls, cleaned my house, did yard work, scooped snow, and the list goes on and on. From the moment they took them to Iowa to the day they left, God showed me what being a parent is all about. We don't just care for our kids while they're in our care, we continue to love on them even when they're having kids of their own and live hundreds of miles away. They dropped everything to come and care for me and my family during a really tough time, not just while I was home, but when I was in the hospital too. My dad called me every morning at 7:30am (6:30 Iowa time) to see how my night went and how I was feeling. Seriously, every morning. Children are a gift from the Lord, and they took this seriously and faithfully. I pray that I am even a fraction of the gift that my parents are to me to my own children!

So minus 2 adults, our house has gotten a tad quieter (although, Keaton has become a little louder:) ), and a little more back to normal. I'd have to say that it's nice that it's still Christmas break so that I didn't have to dive into driving the girls back and forth yet this week. It's nice to just be able to lay low and hang out at home just a little bit longer.

As far as me being back to normal yet...nope, it may be a while. Still wondering how long? Yeah, so am I.:) I continue to take it one day/week at a time. I am still wearing my vac and will be until the wound doc or the home nurses order differently. As of last week Wednesday, my wound is measuring 4x14x.5cm. It continues to shrink, but slowed down from the previous week. Nurse Jodi said it's going to do this and some weeks it will change a lot. I do have to say though that it's changed already from last week to this week. I have another change tomorrow morning which is when Jodi will measure it again and I think she may even take a picture. Monday, she was quite impressed with how it was looking. Will I have the vac off next week, probably not. A new nurse that I had over the weekend said that they won't take the vac off if I'm still having drainage. The drainage has changed a bit, enough even that it's kind of made me nervous, but the nurses have said that the change is normal and as long as it looks the way it does, it's doing good.

Something not so fun about it right now is that it seems to hurt more. I've had to be pretty religious with taking ibuprofen and Tylenol to take the edge off. It never hurt to have the sponge taken off of the tissue, but over the last week it's become more painful. One nurse said it could be due to the fact that there's newer vascular tissue forming which may have more nerve endings in it. Again, as long as it looks healthy, that's what's important.

Next week Tuesday is my next appointment with the wound doc in GR. I'm VERY anxious to go since he's the one who will probably dictate when the vac comes off and the dry dressings will start. Once the vac is off, there will still be quite a bit of healing to be done. There will be a gel that will be put over the wound, then gauze and large pads covering the gauze. This will need to be changed daily or even a couple times a day depending on what it looks like. It will also be my job to do it. It makes me a little nervous to think about this part of my healing, but I know that once we get to this point, it means the end is "near". So I guess this answers the question that some people may be wondering: Are you going to do the skin graft? I'm kind of sticking with "no" right now, unless Dr. Hodgson says that it NEEDS to be done. But according to his reaction to my question 3 weeks ago, he seems to think that just letting it heal on it's own is also a good option, and it's the one that I was hoping to hear. I guess when you're living one week/day at a time and waiting for something to heal, you can't look too far ahead, and that's what I'm trying to do. Continuing to give it up to God and let Him heal me and give me peace about what happens one day at a time.

Please keep us in your prayers still as my wound has a ways to go yet, and that it stays clear of infection and irritations. Pray that our family stays healthy during a time of year that so many sicknesses are going around. Keep Kevin in your prayers as he has been battling one of those nasty colds; congested, coughing, losing his voice, energy drained, etc. He's barreling through it, but I know he's exhausted with working all day and then trying to do more at home. We are continue to be so grateful for so many prayers being offered for us. God continues to do his work on me and our family and we are so grateful and give him all the praise and glory!

Wound Doctor

2010-12-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

Again, I let a week go by. I guess I can make the excuse that I have a newborn at home, yet I can't make that excuse because I also have 2 babysitters who hang out with me all day. We kind of let our day pass us by, and before we know it, it's after school and the girls are home and it gets a little busier around here. So I just don't make blogging my priority right now, but I know most of you check facebook (my guiltiest pleasure) and I do little updates on there too. So if you don't check facebook, I apologize! If you do, this will be a little more detailed (or in my case, A LOT more detailed-not so good at keeping it short!).

So this really was a normal week. My vac changes were on Tues/Thurs/Sat this week because I had an appointment with my wound doctor in GR. Let's call him Dr. H. My dad drove me there because I still don't feel comfortable to not take vicadin before my changes and I'm not supposed to drive when I'm on it. It doesn't affect me that much, but you never know, I suppose. My appointment went really well. It was so nice to see him again (very kind man). A nurse took the sponge off, then Dr. H came in and assessed my wound. He measured it, poked at it, and talked to me about it. He really didn't say much other than I would have to have my vac on until after Christmas-duh-and that I should come back in 3 weeks (Jan. 4). He said it looked good, was shrinking nicely and that's about it. He didn't bring up my ever pressing question: When will I need a skin graft? So, as he was making his way towards the door, I asked.

He started it off with, "Well, you do have 2 options. You can have a skin graft or you can let the skin heal together on it's own." He then proceeded to go through a list of things that a skin graft would cause: another wound site to heal (probably on my inner thigh), I would always have a square scar (scars are the least of my concerns), the skin graft on my stomach would probably not look the same and always be a little sensitive to light. WHEREAS, if I did not do the graft, I would still only have one site to have heal, and he feels like it won't scar as seriously as they had originally thought.

SO, how did I feel about this? Honestly, I have been laying awake at night after feeding Keaton and wondering if I really want this skin graft. The thing that has worried me the most is having another surgery, and another site to heal. My built-in babysitters will be leaving soon (and I know there are many others who would love to help, but it's still hard to get that all organized). And I just want to be a mom and heal. I don't want to have another surgery and I don't want to have another wound. I had already talked to my family about how my number one concern was having 2 wounds, and when my mom heard what Dr. H had said about the graft, she said, "Well, then you got your answer, right?"

I basically don't know how long it will take for my wound to heal all the way. Eventually, this vac will come off because there won't be any place for the sponge to go. But my skin will NOT be completely closed around the tissue. Then I will need to wear dressings to protect it as my skin slowly comes together. Yes, it may be a while. Yes, a skin graft will probably heal it quicker, but do I want to have another wound? Not really. Do I care if I have scars...NO! That has been the least of my concerns since I had all this happen. All the doctors have looked at me like I was crazy, but honestly, I'm not a bikini wearing girl, and where this wound is located is not a place I would show to the general public anyway.:) I just want it to heal.

So this is my prayer: that God will give me a clear direction and peace with my decision. I am so thankful to be healthy and just simply healing. Carrying around the bag hasn't been so bad, and I've slowly been doing more around the house and outside of the house (Kevin and I even went out to do our Christmas shopping and dinner on Saturday). I do still get tired and sore when I do too much, and sometimes knowing what too much is is hard, but then I take it easy for a couple days and take some ibuprofen and feel better in no time.

God has continued to keep his promise to stay with us as He does even when times are not tough. We are happy to have our whole family together and happy that progress continues to happen. We just keep praying that this continues in the right direction. Praising God for his faithfulness...

Quiet

2010-12-11T12:27:00.000-08:00

I said I was going to do better with these posts and I honestly intend to do so. Really, my days are pretty uneventful. Like my mom said, we do the same thing every day. We get up and hang out with Keaton all day until the girls come home. Feeling very blessed. Yes, I know. I have this thing on my stomach that tends to remind me that I'm supposed to be healing too, but besides that, it's pretty great to be home and for the most part healthy.

Right now though, things are pretty quiet. All 3 of my kids are napping, and Kevin is driving my parents to downtown GR for an evening on the town. As an anniversary/thank you gift we got them a night stay at the JW Marriot, a beautiful new hotel downtown GR, dinner, and tickets to The Nutcracker. How fun! I'm actually kinda jealous! Kevin has been to the JW with his buddies on a guys night out, but I haven't even stayed there yet! Really though, I'm so thankful that they can get out and have some peace and quiet on their own. So, here I sit, Kevin and my parents are gone, all 3 kids are sleeping, a hot cup of coffee, Christmas tree lights on and candle burning...ahhh, serenity.:)

I'm seriously so thankful that they get a chance to do something special like this. After all, they dropped everything, literally, and took our kids home with them on October 16 and have taken the parent roll all the way back with them to MI. My mom took a leave of absence this month so that she could come and help my dad help us. What a blessing! They buy our groceries, drive the girls to school and the sitter, cook dinner, stay up with Keaton late at night, and I could go on and on. They deserve some time away as well, and so glad they get to do it.

I really don't have a lot to report except that I had another vac change today and because it's the end of the week, I also have measurements to share...drum roll please...my wound is now
6.5 x 14.5 x 1.5cm and the tunnel that was at first 3 cm, NO LONGER EXISTS!!! Praise God!! If you don't want to look back to the previous post, the first measurements of my wound were
8 x 17.5 x 3 cm. Wow God! Thank you for answering our prayers. I have been off my antibiotics for a week now, and no infection or fever has come back, so we feel that it's safe to say that the infection is gone too. It's definitely a slow process, but healing is happening, and we're so thankful for that. One of the most obvious changes is how much my nurse has to cut off of the sponge that covers the wound. She only shaved small amounts off of the sides of it before, whereas now she's cutting about an inch off of it all the way around. The sponge is a medium so there is a size smaller that will eventually be used, and while we're not to that point yet, I can see that in a few more weeks, we may be.

People ask quite often yet if I have any idea how long it will be before I can go back to work or will be finished with the vac. I honestly can't say, and I think it's going to be a week by week situation. Even my nurse said they won't be the judge as to when to take the vac off, it will be up to Dr. H and when he feels it's necessary for me to have the skin graft. I now realize that it probably will have to happen in order for me to heal completely. I will admit though, that I'm already nervous for that day. Having another surgery does not sound like fun, especially since they will be taking the graft from another site on my body which will have to be covered and heal. But when I look at my wound from one change day to the next, I have to realize that it would probably take months even after the vac would be removed for my skin to completely cover the wound. It's just inevitable. I honestly just want it to be over and to be able to move around like I'm used to, but I know too, that God is the ultimate healer and in His time these things will happen. It's just not always easy to be patient.

I am thankful though that most days I feel really good, and can move freely around the house. Do I run the vacuum and go to the grocery store yet? No, but there are some days that I can do more than others. I don't necessarily get tired when I'm up and throwing a load of laundry in or put a load of dishes in the dishwasher. If anything, I get sore from too much movement. After all, this wound is directly in line with where I have to bend, and with too much movement, it can get pretty tender, which in turn, puts me on the couch for a while. Again, so thankful to have my parents here to are willing to do the jobs that most days I should not be doing. All in all though, the pain that I have is not intense, rather it stings just as a cut or scrap you would have to cover with a band-aid, it's just a lot bigger.:)

Keaton is doing great and continues to be the best baby alive. Honestly, we almost think there may be something wrong with him. He ONLY cries when he's REALLY hungry, but otherwise he just grunts and coos and stares at the world around him. Not that I wouldn't be thankful for a healthy, colicy baby as well, but I'm ULTRA THANKFUL that God gave us our beautiful baby who's laid back and happy just to take the world around him in with his quiet demeanor. As my mom said it the other day, he's laid back like his daddy, and it's so true.:) Peyton and Addy are sweet as always and continue to be great helpers around the house. This too is a blessing. They play so well together and rarely have pushed the limits of anything. God has given us some parenting relief as we deal with the healing that has to happen on me. Thank you Lord!

Well, that's really about it. We're just busy over here relaxing and healing and doing our thing, and we know that we have your prayers to thank. I could say it again and a million times over, but without Christ, the turn in my health would not be possible. No matter the steps that it took over the course of the last month, His arms were wrapped around us each step of the way, and He listened to your pleading along with ours.

Oh, what a joy to celebrate this gift of Christmas. That God's son was sent as a gift to us, not just to be seen as a miracle worker and teacher of good, but as the One who brings us to the cross...that he paid the ultimate price so that we can live without suffering and doubt. That we know that our life here on earth is not the end, but our witness to what's waiting for us in Glory.

Blessings!

Catching Up

2010-12-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

So when I mentioned that I'd do my best to update, I meant it, but obviously didn't follow through very well!

The week after Thanksgiving was a busy one for someone who doesn't get out much. I had a doctor's appointment on December 1 with Dr. H. He said my wound was looking good, no more skin infection around it (PTL!) and then he redressed it and said he wanted to see me in a few weeks. Probably the biggest part of our visit was the discussion of when I should be getting a skin graft. When I left Spectrum and after talking with the wound doctors there, my understanding was that I would probably be wearing my wound vac until January some time, then when the wound would be too shallow for the vac, I would only be dressing it with salve and gauze. The skin graft was talked about, but they made it sound like it was something I could do later. For those of you that don't get queezy at the thought of an open wound or even if you just don't quite understand what it is that's on my stomach, let me explain. I have an open wound that is quite large and deep. This is not just from my 3 inch appendectomy incision. This wound happened because I had infection that surrounded the original incision and for whatever reason, a large part of my skin had to be cut away because it was infected by an unknown growing bacteria that was spreading all across my abdomen and back. Once cleared, the wound was 8cm wide by 17.5cm long by 3 cm deep...and there was also a "hole/tunnel" that was cut away inside the wound that was another 3cm deep. Yeah, not fun to think about. The wound doctors told me that I would have a SIGNIFICANT scar, but I told them I wasn't much of a bikini wearing girl anyway, and I just wanted it to heal so that I can take care of my family again. They seemed satisfied with that answer and didn't say much more in the area of skin grafts, other than it would probably have to happen at some point. Well, Dr. H said that he doesn't believe the wound will heal completely UNLESS I do a skin graft. It does make sense. My wound is big and for the skin to all close up, he said it would take a really long time. If I do a skin graft, then that would close it up a lot quicker. So before I left the office, an appointment was made with the plastic surgeon for a consult, but not until mid January. It makes me nervous thinking about having to have another surgery and also having another site that will have to heal, but again, God is in control, and in order to heal completely, I'll do it.

Keaton had his first appointment with our pediatrician on the 2nd and he passed everything with flying colors. We don't even have to go back until his 2 month appointment because our doctor knows my situation and thought it would be easier for me and getting out if we just waited until then. Also, she isn't concerned with Keaton's growth and development because he had gained an ounce a day. We have never been worried about Keaton throughout this whole thing. He was taken care of by the best nurses (in my opinion) in West Michigan and he really didn't have any struggles except that he needed to get the eating thing down. I think a lot of people think that he was in the hospital for more serious things, but he wasn't. He breathed on his own from birth, never had any infections, had his IV out as soon as he started keeping food down...he was just a lazy eater. He's definitely made up for that though and is doing great. To be honest, he's the EASIEST baby I've had so far! Peyton and Addy were both good babies too, but even they cried more than Keaton does. When he's awake he just looks around, checking everything and everyone out. He NEVER cries unless he needs to eat, and even then, it's usually if he's REALLY hungry. Maybe he lets out a grunt here and there and he doesn't always sleep the soundest at night, but I'll take that! So we are very thankful that he's doing so well and growing like a weed.:)

That really brings me to this week. So far I've had 5 vac changes, and they really are getting easier every time. I think that's another thing people don't necessarily understand. I may have explained this before, but I'll do a quick (?) explanation again. I carry around a little black bag with a machine in it that also has a long tube attached to it. The machine is constantly running and "vacuums" out the drainage from my wound. The tube is attached to a black sponge that is cut to perfectly fit over my wound. The tube and sponge are taped to my stomach over the wound. When the machine is turned on after the vac change, the sponge gets vacuumed/suctioned together (probably the most painful part of the change) and that's what's working my wound to help it to heal. Because of this vac, my wound will heal months earlier than if I would have just gauze on it. So everywhere I go around my house, I carry my black bag and tube around the house. It's my "friend".:) Since it runs on battery, when I go to bed at night, I have to plug the bag into a cord in the wall, lay the bag next to the bed and sleep plugged into the wall. I've gotten used to this whole process, and every once in a while I catch myself thinking about how sick of it I am, but I guess I have to quickly squash those feelings because I really have no idea how long I'll have to be attached to my vac, and I don't want to start having negative feelings way before the end is in sight. And as my nurse has said to me, it definitely could be worse.

For all you prayer warriors out there who have been praying for healing, let me give you some stats: my wound will be measured at my last vac change of the week. So far it was measured on November 26 and December 3. The wound is definitely shrinking! If you go above to reread the measurements that I wrote earlier in this post you can compare them to the Dec. 3 measurements: 7.5cm x 16cm x 2 cm and the tunnel is at 1cm. Not THAT'S an answer to prayer! Then over the weekend, the tunnel healed up so much that the extra sponge they packed in was no longer needed...thanking God for honest to goodness measurable progress!!

This week there is nothing in the planner except vac changes which happen first thing in the morning. Basically, the day consists of hanging out with Keaton, and my mom and dad. I'm so thankful they're here. This would be VERY hard without them. Peyton and Addy are enjoying their regular routine of school and babysitter. I get out only when needed and I do need to watch how much I do during the day. I get sore when I do too much and usually pay for it the next day. I've been trying to not take as many meds, which has been fine, but it's nice still having them on the counter, just in case. The Christmas tree was decorated last night and we occasionally get other things done around the house, but I want to heal, so it's best to be sitting or laying the majority of the day.

I can not tell you how blessed we are for the prayers that you all are saying on our behalf. I know that I've said this so many times, but it can't be by chance that my body has healed thus far. It isn't just medicine that did the work of taking the infection away. God has been present in every place during surgery, every CT and ultrasound, every antibiotic, every nurse and doctor, everything. And He keeps showing his face even to this day, through the sweet same home nurse that I've had for the first 2 weeks (probably the hardest vac changes, I've been told) when I could have had someone different every single time, to Peyton and Addy's laid back and well behaved natures while mommy can't be running around, to Keaton's quiet and sweet demeanor, to meals provided, and friend visits, and I could go on and on.

These aren't just things of chance.

This isn't just people being kind.

This is how the family of God does things. This is the face of God shining down and we praise Him for every moment of this journey.

Blessings!

HOME

2010-11-27T06:34:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated on here. It's been a very busy last few days and at times I feel a little overwhelmed.

From the title you maybe have figured out that yes, I'm HOME! There was a chain of events that happened between Tuesday night and Wednesday that can only be described as God's work that I honestly didn't dare to "talk" about until I KNEW they would happen. I guess I was nervous that if I talked about it, then maybe it wouldn't happen. In a way, I feel like that was me doubting God's ability. But I think it was also me being realistic that it wasn't my choice.

Tuesday night some girls from my bible study came to visit. Soon after they came in, Dr. Foster, the general surgeon who performed the last surgery in GR to clean up the wound one more time, stepped in to say hi and bring his cheer. He's a great guy; small, peppy, honest, kind, funny, and determined. I had just finished telling the girls that Keaton was possibly going to be going home on Wednesday. Dr. F walked in, said hi to the girls, cracked a few jokes, and asked if I thought it was time to go home. Of course! I asked him what he was thinking...just testing the waters...and his reply, "How about tomorrow?" WHAT?!?! Wednesday? That could only be the work of our Lord! He would never know that Keaton was going home on Wednesday and how he was just so confident and honest and just said it so simply. Oh, how the tears fell! I think the girls were just as surprised (am I right girls?). Wow! But I knew that was a whole day away yet and it just seemed that they would have so much to do before I could go home (don't ask me what, but I've kinda learned that sometimes hospitals move a little slow).

So I went through the night, wondering if I would be able to go home on Wednesday. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Went through another night of no fevers (PTL!) and woke up to the same docs coming in to check up on me (5am is sooooo early when you don't sleep all night!). Dr. Foster came in pretty early, I can't remember the time, and said it again..."Are you ready to go home today?" So he was serious! This was real?? He said they could send me home on oral antibiotics that match the ones they were giving me through my IV, my home health nurse could take care of my vac change on Friday (that was pretty easy to set up), and my fever and the redness surrounding the area of my wound were either gone or disappearing, which he said basically means that I was on the mend...why keep me in the hospital?? OH PRAISE THE LORD!! I could go home and join Kevin in discharging Keaton and we could be a family again! The tears came again and I thanked him and told him how God had blessed this, which he agreed to (did I mention how God has shown up through everyone??). So the next step was to get things rolling to get me out of there.

It took a while before a nurse came in to check in on me and I asked her if she knew if I was going to be discharged yet today...and in walks frustration...she said that the nurses disagreed with Dr. F because of my vac change on Tuesday (remember how I had been put to sleep for it? yeah, they didn't think I could handle the Friday change at home and wanted me to stay for that, just for a vac change??). I was instantly frustrated and thought, seriously, you're going to keep me here just for a vac change? I can do this at home! I can be strong for this! I have to because it's going to happen 3 days a week until I heal and I KNOW they can't put me out at home...I can be strong! Please let me go home! (So I didn't yell those out, but that's what I was thinking!). Thankfully, I had a friend who was there during Dr. F and the nurse's contradictory visits and she really helped me mentally through it, I was frustrated (thank you Heather!). Well, long story short, eventually, the papers came in and the nurses lost and I got to go home. It took a while, of course but Kevin and I were driving out of GR at 5:30pm and heading to Zeeland to drop off some things, pick up some things for Keaton and headed to Boven to see our little man!

We went through all the discharge procedures and even though it was late, we were home by 9:30pm and so excited to be together again! Oh Lord, how you blessed that reunion! I had no idea that that would have happened, and was honestly planning on hosting Thanksgiving in one of the conference rooms in Spectrum with my Hospers family around me...but I was able to go home all because of a doctor who knew that I was healing, believed that I needed to be with my family, and I honestly believe God's powerful hand guided it too! What a gift!

So, I should really summarize what's happened over the last week now...my parents arrived with the girls on Thursday night along with my brother, his fiance (yeah!!! so excited for another Hospers sister!), my younger sister, and my twin and her two kids. Our house was packed, the girls ran in and oh did the tears flow...again such a blessing! So thankful for the innocence of little kids. They only saw the tears and asked what was wrong, to which we replied that we just simply missed them and were so happy they were home. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner brought to our home on Friday by our amazing friends in our church small group (Thanks again everyone! It was DELICIOUS!) and just enjoyed spending time together in our small little house (now we're even more inspired in the fact that we have to move to a bigger house!). Everyone, except my parents, left Saturday morning. My parents have stayed here to help with the kids and just life in general so that I can rest and heal accordingly.

I should also mention that yes, I had another vac change on Friday. The only thing I can take before it is vicodin to take the edge off, which works to some degree. A lot of people ask, "Does it hurt?" Yes, it hurts. A lot of people also don't quite understand what it is that I have come home with. After my last 2 surgeries, Dr. H (and then Dr. F cleaned up a little more) cut away the skin that had died and showed signs of infection by whatever it was that was infecting me. Do we know what it was? No, and never will. The cultures that they all tried to grow from the bacteria were inconclusive due to the fact that the antibiotics killed whatever it was that was growing and caused the infection. What they had to do was cut away 17 1/2 cm by 8 cm (and maybe 1 cm deep) of skin from my lower right abdomen. Is it pretty? No. Do you see it? No. It's covered by a black sponge that has a hose connected to it and is then connected to a machine in a bag that I can wear as a fanny pack (yeah, I know, stylish) or carry as a purse, which is what I do around the house. The sponge is taped quite well to my stomach so that it stays in place. When the machine is turned on, the sponge contracts and is constantly draining the wound into the vac in the bag where it collects the drainage. It's constantly working the wound to keep the blood flow going and keeping it clean. This is one of the most effective ways to heal an open wound, and I've been told by several doctors and nurses that my healing time probably triples by having this vac attached to me. Does it hurt? Sometimes it stings, but it's getting better. Do the vac changes hurt? Yes, but I've had an amazing home nurse who's gentle, understanding, patient, and caring, and has really been such a blessing to help me through the first few changes. I just concentrate on other things, we talk about whatever we can, and I take deep breaths and work through it. The first couple weeks will be hard, but as the wound heals, it will get easier. It has to heal from the inside out, and as it heals, they'll have to cover less and less of it with the sponge and eventually I won't have to have the vac on at all.

Now the biggest question is will this cause a scar. Yes. A considerable one. But this is the least of my worries, and as I look at it now, I see the scar as more of a reminder of how precious life is and how my Lord brought us through this time in our lives. Eventually I may have skin grafting done, but to be honest, I'm not worried about showing people my belly. I told the docs that I never was much of a two piece bikini wearing girl and that there are lots of cute tankini's now. They kinda smiled and seemed a little surprised that I wasn't worried about it. I guess that's just not something I'm concerned about. I just want this to heal and then be able to take care of my family like normal again.

So there you have it...that's where we've been at for the last week. It's been emotional, frustrating, exciting, and full of only the blessings that God can give. Keaton is doing great. Eating like a champ and growing like one too. It's a little hard to be raising a newborn and having to heal attached to a hose and machine, but I'm so thankful for my parents that I can ask to feed him so that I can go back to sleep. I do get tired if I'm up too much and I can't move very quickly because of the soreness factor, but I just take lots of naps and rest when I can.

I have my first recheck appointment tomorrow with Dr. H. I look forward to seeing him again and thanking him. I'm sure tears will fall. He was so concerned about me and I know that he wanted to do all he could to see that I was healed. What a gifted doctor he is! God gave him a gift and any patient he comes in contact with is blessed to be able to witness what that gift is.

I'll continue to update this blog as best I can. I haven't been the best at it due to the busyness of the weekend with family here and then trying to get on top of the pain, rest, and "regular" routine of being home again. I'm so thankful for so many people who want to keep up on how I'm doing and offering up prayers of healing to our God. He has brought us this far and I know that he continues to strengthen me and my family. The girls are doing great being back home and like I said before, I'm thankful for my parent's and the help they are offering each day. The Lord is faithful!

Tired Day

2010-11-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was tired. I could hardly keep my eyes open to stare at this silly computer. I think everything had finally caught up with me (and being woken by 3 different doctors starting at 5am doesn't help either). I didn't see a lot of docs yesterday, except for probably the most significant part of my day, when they changed my vac for the first time. Dr. Hodgson, one of the wound vac docs, came in with all of his stuff and staff and started everything at 9am. They just gave me a stronger dose of a drug that I normally can take for pain and said that if it gets bad, then we'll give you more to put you to sleep. It wasn't horrible, but I think he could tell that I was uncomfortable and he said for the first time, it would probably be better for me to just sleep through it. So that's what I did...slept...again. What am I going to do when I have to get this thing changed at home?? We'll worry about that when we get there, right?

He said the wound is looking good, healing nicely and that's about it. I got a call from a company that arranges for me to have a home vac, which is smaller than the one in the hospital. It basically has a hose attached to it and as one friend said to me last night, I'll have a little friend to take everywhere with me (thanks, Kelli).:) For the rest of the day, it was just a matter of managing pain, which I don't have a lot of, taking naps, chatting with visitors (thanks for coming!) and not much else.

What does Wednesday hold? Well, I'm not quite sure. I'm not supposed to have another vac change until Friday and Thanksgiving is in there so I know it's going to be a little quieter around here (or that's what I've been told). Will I be going home soon? Not sure. According to some doctors, yes, but what's soon? So I just live one day at a time in my head and don't get my hopes up for anything until I talk to people who let me sign things that show I am on my way out the door. I haven't done any of that yet, so I'll make the most of my little cave here in downtown GR.:)

God continues to amaze me by revealing himself through the docs and nurses and situations that keep arising. I had more conversations again yesterday that just show how God's hand has been on us this whole time. Thank you again, Lord Jesus, for proving that you DO EXIST IN EVERYTHING!

"Fear not for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Keeping it simple

2010-11-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to start up our family blog again. It's been hard to keep everyone in the loop through facebook because not everyone is my friend on fb:), even though you're all my true friends, but you know how it works. I was having a hard time trying to copy and paste the updates to emails so that my schools and other friends not on fb would know what's going on. I thought too about starting a care page, but I know some people shy away from them too due to logins and passwords too. So I hope this will be ok!

On to today's update:

It was a very uneventful day! Yeah! I haven't had a fever all day, and not even since Saturday night's surgery. What a relief! I've been pretty exhausted today though, even right now, having a hard time typing this up. I found out tonight that my white blood cell count is starting to go down a bit. It was at 28.21 when I got here on Sunday, today it was 22.85, but it needs to be down to 10.8. I'm still fighting something, but it's getting better. No, they don't know what bacteria was growing inside me yet. They took a culture from yesterday's surgery, but it takes 2 days to grow something so hopefully by tomorrow night or Wednesday we'll know, unless the antibiotics I was on kill it too. Praying for an answer because that's one of the big questions. What exactly did all of this??

My wound vac is doing well. I hardly felt it this morning and didn't start taking meds for it until later morning/afternoon. I'm now going to be taking more regular meds for it because it's pretty sore around the edges where my skin has been cut. I talked to Dr. Smith today who is also a wound specialist and from what I hear, a really good one. He was great to chat with and really listened to my whole story again. He KIND OF made it sound like I could be home by the weekend...NOT going to count on that though. He just made comments about how they are going to change my vac sponge dressing tomorrow (Tuesday) and then "if I'm around" on Friday again. I don't think he really knows, but he said they'll have a better idea of what they're up against when they undress it and take a look tomorrow. EVERYONE that I talk to says how amazing the wound vacs are and how quickly they make such a serious wound heal. I know that it's partially the vac, but a big part is my God and I'm counting on His guiding hand. Dr. Smith said that he thinks that by 6 weeks I should be ready to go without the vac and only have to put salve and a dressing on it. WOW! That seems so far away, yet it doesn't.

About tomorrow...I'm on a no food or drink diet AGAIN tonight from midnight to 8am. The purpose is because I think they're going to put me to sleep again, a little less this time, to take my dressing off. Apparently it hurts pretty good the first few times until the edges of the skin start to grow back and the nerves seal off. Yeah, not too excited, but it has to be done. These dressings can otherwise be changed at home by a home health nurse and I can take some pain meds orally before they do the changing.

I can definitely still have visitors, but I have to warn you that I'm in isolation right now. I had a bought of loose stools this morning, probably due to all of the antibiotics that I'm on, but that puts instant flags up to them and they have to take precautions that it may be something contagious. You can still visit, you just have to wear a yellow cover and wash your hands with soap and water before and after you come. Sorry for the details, but I thought I would warn you. I'm hoping that after a test is run that I can call this off...I hate the idea of being in isolation.:(

I thought I would clear the air about something else too. I did NOT have a c-section. Kevin said he's heard people ask or assume this too and I've also had to clear this up with a lot of people. Keaton was a natural birth, but I had an appendectomy 3 days later due to lower abdominal pain. I should really put it out there in a time line, but I don't think I can keep my eyes open much longer tonight.

Keaton has had a great day today. Kevin installed Skype on his work computer and got permission to take it to the hospital. He put it on him rocking Keaton and it was so sweet to see my baby boy nap in his daddy's arms. Oh, he's so big! Kevin said he's now 7lbs 1 oz!!! Can you believe that?! He's still taking occasional full bottles and some half or more. Just praying he can figure that out! Wondering if he's waiting for me to come home too.:) But so happy he's gaining and growing!

I'm thankful for an actual quiet day today. No surgeries, no tests, no opening anything new up, just resting and healing. Thank you Lord for showing up in the quiet times too. I need to rest because I'm going to just crash here with my computer wide open. Thank you so much for following our journey and praying along with us. We are so blessed to be part of this family of God! Oh, what would we do without our Lord?! Thank you God for staying by our side.